"some hearts bleed"/ a resolution (even though we know how those often go)

know I can't get rid of the shark on my heart
so I will peel you, little pirahna
fang by fang
off of my lungs

I can not let you suckle anymore
breaths from me

I know how you work
you've told me your secrets
I know your plays

and regardless of your promises,
I see your fabled Xs and Os (XOXO)
running all over my body
like red ants
like crazed gravediggers
throwing passes

throwing passes
shaped like carrots
for my hungry hands

I catch them
and they will have fuses
quickly sinking away
hissing hissing
like killkill snakes

sinking away
into the volatile black
on the inside

and I'll look up into the camera
"why that's not a carrot, that's DY-NO-"

BOOM (boom pow)

my face is already blacker
than usual
I spent the weekend at the beach
almost drowned
buried myself in sand
alone.

this is not a metaphor.
but it is about to be.

I'm eighteen now
I am: Independent

I am perfectly capable of doing all these horrible things
to myself now

with no outside assistance

there's a shark on my heart
and I can't really afford any distractions
when dealing with that many rows of teeth
(shifting, whirring teeth, like gears,
leaping and then sinking in deep and then leaping, also like waves
unpredictable, hitting you and then dissipating before you can
even put a name to it, also also like a whirring phantom boxer
swinging and swinging at you and you flinch every fucking time
because you never know when her/his fist is going to become solid
and knock the shit out of you and sometimes even he/she will swing
and the fist will be in the process of passing through you and then turn tangible and you'll be stuck with a fist inside of your chest, maybe it'll sit there its fingers poking violently at your insides for a while before suddenly jerking tearing it's way out of your flesh and of course then continuing assault )

basically
what I'm saying is
I don't have any fucking time for you anymore.

thanks for the poetry.