passion pit

a) you told me I was beautiful
but you would not fuck me

b)you told I me was beautiful
but I would never fuck you

c) you told me I was beautiful
and you'd stay by my side
but where is the accomplishment in that?

passion pressure
for the heels
passion pressure
for the holes

passion pressure
for the spots
in the field
that won't grow

passion pressure
for the real
passion pressure
for the roles

passion pressure
for the pits
in the field
that won't grow

you are so high
you are so warm
will you tongue kiss
me on my wax wings?
this morning my mirror intoned
no mouth would ever want me

I will taste the gum
off the bottom of this diamond
I been trying
so hard to catch a light
to heat these dumpy palms
burn through me
leave me gray
but lord, please touch me
trust me
I will swallow whatever ash you leak to me

I will have you under my hands
you will be framed within my fingers
and though the position will not linger
the prints of it stay
long after you haven't

I'm just a human.
I'm only human.
lift me/fill me for a moment.
give me something that I didn't have
in my room this afternoon
swoon these fragile teeth
sinking into your hip

I'll make a crown from your saliva
and until the moment of
evaporation in daylight
I'll mean mug straight in my reflection
hazed, and dripping in bruise
like "who the fuck you talking to?"

passion pressure
for the heal
passion pressure
for the whole

passion pressure
for the spots
in the field
that won't grow

passion pressure
for the reels
passion pressure
for the rolls

passion pressure
for the pits
in the field
that won't grow

3030 excerpts: part two

spans!

the pigeon's body
was shrieking through the air
faster than it had moved in years

whatever it was speeding away from
was the blackest, vastest hold
that the bird had ever felt

Animals are not as smart as we, technically
but they seem to have a preternatural sense
to know when the universe is planning a swallow

Unfortunately, I think
that this bird was looking
in the wrong direction


I was taking a break from the day
staring at a cart of apples
when the little blue body whipped
into the pile of fruit

There was a muted thud
a snap like a knuckle
and a few feathers

that bounced into the air
like a man startled from rest
before rocking softly back down

"yo... life is sooo short"

Three talons and a nub
peered at me
poking out of the crowd of Granny's

______

ship

I keep seeing scratches on your smile
keep putting my head down
holding your hand tighter

_____

day out

Can't let you
kiss your way back into a wreck
you just wrenched yr head from

if my avoidance makes you think I don't care
trust me,
you got it all wrong, friend

____

Summer Storm

the darker and heavier our clothes got,
the opposite happened to our hearts

"and it rained all night and washed the filth away"

our feet got more and more stuck in shit and mud
as our temperaments lifted up high
and higher

ascending against the rain
to spiral around lightning strikes

mouths wiiiiide open
to make up for all the ol stole days of clenched teeth

everything is just sweat
hot and sticking
as we shed the cold alone of life citystuck

oh lord rinse it
oh lord let it flow down and away like tears,
with all tears made of anything but smiles

your body is made of only a shape and a smile
slapping around in the dark with me

oh lord

_______________

everything with you

I've got the beach in my eyes
I can't remember who was wearing the necklace that night
it probably would have looked better on you

we couldn't tell the difference
between the street lights and the stars

diving in the black lake
and finding you in it
over and over again

I've got the beach in my eyes
and nothing anymore for my hands
sand and water, formerly lodged
now freefalling away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1KdkQv0FfI

I have been trying
to break your heart
for so darn long
it is exhausting

break open
break into
////////////////////////////
what can I
hold here?

I imagine that when
I get my fingers in there
it'll feel like I'm running
them under a faucet

Company

to deal with your death,
I keep being told
to think of you in Heaven
have faith, like my faith in God

the difference is
I have never had to actually deal
with the truth or falseness of God

(it had been an abstract debate
like global warming)




I have never smelled God's hair
God has never cooed to me from a bed
never sang with me

in response, I might be told that God is everywhere;
has always been around, and always will be

and again, I don't know if that is actually true
but I do know
that I never felt alone when you were with me

3030 excerpts: part one

why hi high

shaking notes from my fingers
I'll tryyy to give them gloss for yeh
because yeah, I would love for your eyes
to lift me into the pantheon-
my pride would love that validation.
I'm pregnant
I would love for you to think my baby beautiful
but the most important thing is
I gotta get this motherfucker out of me

________________________________________

any mortal thing, tis that I may

I mean
it ain't funny
but what the heck else am I supposed to do it with it

like painting a body
in clown make up
post-blessings

because you know it's too hard to move!

like putting a looney tunes band aid
over a sputtering, gurgling rash
that looks like it's only smoking
deeper as the cycles go on

it hurts me just like it does you

I just don't like looking over at eyes
being eaten out by disuse

skin I've placed my lips to
scattering away
carried by worldwinds

so I'll put raybans on them,
I'll whistle along with the gusts
blowing hearts away

___________________

labels and heart hearts

I fell into the maw
with no rope to tug on

certain
that the light
I could see shining
deep

was the color
I'd been looking for
all along
*

felt like heading through dusk
toward a campfire

I could hear it crackling,
the absolutely uncommon burning

thought its breaths
were in the shape of
my name
*

in my frenzy, in my impatience
I threw my self into it

the embrace was sweet and quivering,
as if a wire was waiting to snap

I cautioned a smile,
with enough arrogance in it
to trigger:

it lurched,
pierced my stomach
like a heated pin,

bloodless
(alas, all hands would remain clean
even as my eyes could not
stop themselves from yammering)
and excruciating

it was a neon arrow
pointing right through me
almost like it was sticking its tongue out!

____________________________________________

thick and clear

through
rib cage
through
textbooks
through
real jobs
through
shinier new hands
through
NY
through
PA
through
OH
through
IN
through
september
through
october
through
november
through
december
through
january
through
february
through
march
through
april
through
may
through
june:

how many layers can our frequencies flow through
and after so much,
how loud will the ringing be
//
everybody gets scared of college,
our turnnnn.
//
thank God for video chat.
__________________________


another day, another

I was sitting on the couch with Alex
in YCA, not doing shit
Avery comes through like some kind of mad spirit
taking a respite from Nubian Olympus
to bless and confound us with a cameo
as he likes to do

Clothes black as skin, looking bad as his soul
stepping, dipping to the beat
Itchie is letting kick from the grates

Mr. In the Place to Be does his thing:

5 ft 4, maybe, and again, yes, dark as hell
but outshining every other motherfucker in the room
presence dust miting all in the vicinity

he slides in to Cece's office
and slides back out
looking around at all the ants
scuttling for pizza and light

I don't even remember if he was even turned in my direction
when he said
"Emanuel, how you doin?"

I smiled, surprised and gratified (I mean, let's be real here)
and said "Ahh, okay. Just trying to be happy."

his head swivels to me, with an emotion inscrutable:
it was maybe momentarily bemused, but nothing on his
face was dancing when he said

"Don't try. Just be.
Don't try, baby. Just be."

he lingered for a moment, savoring the way
the air spread out around his words
humming like seeded crickets,
then opened his mouth wide,
shining wild teeth in a knowing, glimmering grin
and step, dipped back out the door
back to the obsidian mount from whence he presumably came

****

I've been letting myself get choked.
Twisting and gutting my own body
under this grip
trying to sear my form
into a password
to make these fingers
soften
and thus validate me

but they can read
every lie like hounds.

sometimes, it's felt like
trying to keep secrets
from the sun.

****

Doubts are like carbon monoxide?:

Sometimes, you can find even a turd
in the right shape
the perfect shape;
a key
that will unlock all the butterflies
you'd been gassing to ash.

I don't know if what Avery said to me
had the same weight to him
as spitting off to the side of the road might

but damn if it ain't tugging at these bars
__________________________________________

family and friends (ending stories) (never ending stories)

Spinning inside

effectively, they say,

she went to sleep
a long time ago.

I don't know how long it was
after I stopped visiting regularly

(you know kids don't give a shit about old people).

-
I still see her brother from time to time
and he is a Man

so when asked, he gives her status
with a face as steeled as a furnace door

I am confused by a code holding that it is not okay
to cry for a woman whose eyes pass from brother,
to child, to grandchild, to purse, to table
with the same staleness

-
I see her now,
skin that can't connect
to where its lines come from

spheres with only broken air
spinning inside
turning

**********************************



kristina

the last time I would ever speak to her
I was so angry

she didn't understand
or I didn't understand
(one of us...)

I was leading ("leading")
a meeting
discussing freedom of speech.

How could Imus
be allowed to say such hurtful things
and escape unscathed?

She told me
that she didn't care:

people were going to say what they wanted
and she was going to do what she wanted
in parallel fashion

'you can't cave for one word
because there is always a sentence
dirtier and sharper than what preceded

and you'll inevitably, eventually wind up
crushed at the bottom of their deluge.'

The anger that I thought was righteous
looked so...it looked like whiny paper

when trying to push up against her face
serene, planted
-
The specifics of how she lived before, what she decided to do after...
I couldn't begin to wrap them.

but the definition of that moment
will always sit as my image of her,
and a lift in my mind

**********************************



turning

there is a forest sitting inside
he has been chasing himself
for so long

I've watched as leaves have fallen
off of his crown

exposing the bark,
colored dark and burning
like the bottom of a sea
sickened with history's refuse
boiling, crushing pressure
who could clean here?

the fungus sinking and filling
the lines in his face

I cannot help him.
I cannot be near him.

the things he says
under the influence of his garrote
have proven far too noxious
for me

his words
far too ragged of a saw
that spares no marrow

all I can do
is hope that these wounds do not become infected

I am sorry, brother.

*********************************



I know what you said after I sent you this poem, but I still think you should have a baby any way, just in case.

Dan, this poem isn't near finished:

we raced to Jesse's car
trying to get shotgun
and somewhere along the way you slipped
and ended up hurtling full speed
slamming against the back of the van
with your entire body
like someone had punted a football
point blank at the tail pipe

you got up laughing,
you Greek statue of a nymph
ayyyyy, it's okay

That is you

That is always you,
we think

which is maybe why
we end up laughing
after a real stain of worry
fades across
thinking about the marks on your jaw

can't help but think about 29
chicago public school students

poems about them
always seem to get outdated
so fast

dan
you move
so fucking fast

we're still kids
God has slashed
dents and pockmarks
into our hearts
already

but not enough to where
we are willing accept
that (S)he might actually
stop one of them

so hahahahahahahaha

anti-/"Do you wanna come out, and explain THESE NEW SHOES?"

ahhh, I keep changing shoes
to show my maturity
how responsible I have become

those ugly black ones
to the gaudy pink and blue Filas
(telltale signs of a baby boy trying to make himself
UNIQUE, etc.)
to the white and black Filas
to the gray Timbs
and up next: the sensible but stylish b/w supras

see, I have grown cooler! better!

but really, I keep changing the prints
while the whole time, the trail is still there, Emanuel! the trail!

just because you put those ugly shits in the closet
or threw them out the backyard
doesn't mean that what they crushed in your dance still
isn't lying there bleeding!

the pictures are there, and every pall
you try to cast over the exhibits
in the guise of time or midnight pledges
just fits to their form

an extra layer of proof

shaking its head
rattling
and scratching

an extra layer of proof:
yeah you fuck up, son.

I have these new Timbs though
and I step through dirt and mud and snow without a problem
coasting

With a Rusting, Dragging
tagged on a few footprints behind
(*hungry and gaining)

waiting for my smile to get so big
that it tangles in my stride.

and when it does...

well. karma collects interest.

oh, it will put it's hands over every fading little stain
and conjure them anew like atlantis of the flesh
mutated and nastier than ever, made of blades and mirrors

hooking because I know what I did I know what I did I know I know
I said I was sorry I just really don't know what else there is

because shit, what you said to me, I never would have said to you
but then, what I did to you, I never would wish on anyone

much less someone whom I "caaaaared" about. but I told you! I swear I told you, I was unfocused, unreliable, I told you this would happen!
I I

still tore you.

can't apologize a plague away
much less one lit by your own tongue

I swear. I will never let this happen again. Please let me go. Please.


________


*I wrote this poem before I heard the song "Porchlight" by Neko Case, but looking over both of them today I saw a lot of her lines speaking to the same thoughts included in here. So I consider them complimentary.

para ti