anti-/"Do you wanna come out, and explain THESE NEW SHOES?"

ahhh, I keep changing shoes
to show my maturity
how responsible I have become

those ugly black ones
to the gaudy pink and blue Filas
(telltale signs of a baby boy trying to make himself
UNIQUE, etc.)
to the white and black Filas
to the gray Timbs
and up next: the sensible but stylish b/w supras

see, I have grown cooler! better!

but really, I keep changing the prints
while the whole time, the trail is still there, Emanuel! the trail!

just because you put those ugly shits in the closet
or threw them out the backyard
doesn't mean that what they crushed in your dance still
isn't lying there bleeding!

the pictures are there, and every pall
you try to cast over the exhibits
in the guise of time or midnight pledges
just fits to their form

an extra layer of proof

shaking its head
rattling
and scratching

an extra layer of proof:
yeah you fuck up, son.

I have these new Timbs though
and I step through dirt and mud and snow without a problem
coasting

With a Rusting, Dragging
tagged on a few footprints behind
(*hungry and gaining)

waiting for my smile to get so big
that it tangles in my stride.

and when it does...

well. karma collects interest.

oh, it will put it's hands over every fading little stain
and conjure them anew like atlantis of the flesh
mutated and nastier than ever, made of blades and mirrors

hooking because I know what I did I know what I did I know I know
I said I was sorry I just really don't know what else there is

because shit, what you said to me, I never would have said to you
but then, what I did to you, I never would wish on anyone

much less someone whom I "caaaaared" about. but I told you! I swear I told you, I was unfocused, unreliable, I told you this would happen!
I I

still tore you.

can't apologize a plague away
much less one lit by your own tongue

I swear. I will never let this happen again. Please let me go. Please.


________


*I wrote this poem before I heard the song "Porchlight" by Neko Case, but looking over both of them today I saw a lot of her lines speaking to the same thoughts included in here. So I consider them complimentary.

para ti